April 26, 2012

M.P - A Man of God & Hip Hop

You cant tell by his appearance maybe not even in the way he talks. He looks just like any other young man in the world, Tattoos & all but when you sit down & talk to him and really have an conversation with him, you quickly realize he is different, his mindset may shock you but by time you walk away from the conversation your thinking about your life & God.


April 25, 2012


Sometimes life just knocks you on your ass without you even paying attention. Then when you look up and see what the heck is going on you find yourself in a place where your not sure you wanna be. Then the challenge is trying to get out of that place or deciding if you wanna stay.  You can feel so stable and secure then feel like your barely standing on your legs because they are so wobbly.

Pray for strentgh and guidance, ask him to show you the way, its hard though to ask fro help, you wanna handle it all on your own. But you cant, you cant. Find a way out before it sucks you in.


April 24, 2012

April 21, 2012


Friendships come and go and ours went right out the window. At times i admit that i think about our   friendship and wish it was still there. I miss your humor, laugh, the kind heart that i know you have. The good times. But then its tragically interrupted on how you did me wrong and how you felt that you could throw our friendship away.  Its cool, i ended up  being better off without you anyway.Now its straight business between me & you, you left hanging on my words that you wish i'd say but never do. To me no words should be formed towards you. I found more true friends that just wouldn't throw us away.

I hear that you miss me, when you speak my name & of me your voice carries the weight & guilt, the pain of losing us. Do i care? Hell no, more like fuck no. Yea i said it. What you did was messed up and even though at times i miss you, i move on.  The emotions vastly deteriorate....

The truth is..... I actually miss the friendship... screw you...


April 17, 2012


Sitting in my room, its all clean and smelling fresh, towels are washed & folded, although i still have a load or two more to do. The carpet is vacumed, & the Mr. is bringing dinner. Days like this is when i feel the most accomplished, i actually did something besides blog and sleep. I am coming to a state where i am enjoying taking care of my house, enjoying when the Mr. comes home to a nice clean house and hot dinner waiting.

On another note: Do you think that the state of your house reflects your mind state? like if your house is a mess then ,maybe your mind frame is a mess? I do , i really believe that its true. I know when i clean my house i feel so much better emotionally, i feel like i can really relax & de-stress.  I know i am not the neatest housekeeper, but i just don't understand how ppl can live in such a cluttered mess.

Random- Beautiful sunny days make me happy. ;)

April 15, 2012


There is old wisdom in older generations. You just have to sit back and listen. Sometimes when i listen to the older generations it makes me rethink what i think about life, what i have been doing or so on. I'm not saying all advice from them is golden and true, but there are many things. I have noticed & discovered that i need to pay more attention to my Mr. 's mother. She is from Nigeria, she also has some expectations from her daughters ( daughter in laws) I admit i haven't paid much attention to the relationship between myself  & in laws but now i see i may have to.

His parents are important to him which i understand. I myself want him to get along with my mother & younger sisters so he can only expect for me to have the same things  with his family.  Its also a culture clash with us, being 2 different cultures.  I may not be as willing but i see now  that i need to be. If i plan on marrying into this family and taking on this name i should learn more about the family.

My thing is... i don't want them or the culture to overshadow my culture.


April 12, 2012


Wreck my soul,mend my soul,kiss my soul. I need it , i need you. Hate you,love you, my life is all about you.  Cant you see that i need you to breathe,to live. I see all the good in you,your heart is my only safe place when the world is scary & mean. My warrior so strong,all blessings wrapped in one. My lover of my soul & heart, touch so gentle.

Get into my veins like a drug, hit me quick,last long. Fill my cup till it overflows. Understand im not perfect yet perfection befits me in your eyes. Like flowers that need the sun to grow i need you.  Like water humans need i need you. Tears come down when the thought of you leaving me comes to mind. Never leave me promise me. Let you generations come from my womb.  Flow through me like water.

Heaven must be you, God sculpted you. How senseless the world must be to not have you, not know the love you possess. A backbone looks like you.

Im  a mess without you.


April 11, 2012


Its so trivial sometimes how we take some things in life, how we treat them. Like they happen everyday. So normal. The way we treat people, how we view our life,what choices we make. Our life period. To think that someone went through HELL just so we can live our life so freely.  Jesus

Yea so what if i voluntary watched Passion of the Christ last nite at work. I kind of felt like i needed to. Like something was telling me i needed to be reminded of the privileged life i lead. Yea i don't have a million dollars, fancy cars, high cost clothes, but i will tell you what i do have....... Food, shelter,clothes,car,job,this laptop i blog on,my Blackberry i keep in touch with my friends on,my makeup,my love, my freedom. Many people don't have that, people in Africa & other parts of the world have it way worse than me.

To be a woman is such a blessing, but there are some cultures that don't see it that way, they punish young girls & women. To think that many years ago Jesus suffered intolerable torture just so he could save us. When watching the film & watching him being beaten i cried, (yes even at work) because i seen all the pain, torture Jesus went through for lil ol me. So i can freely go to God & ask for forgiveness, to vent my pain & frustrations, to share my joys, thanks for my blessings, ask for answers and so on.

Do me a favor and watch Passion of the Christ, even if you watched it before. Really watch it, watch what they did to him, watch his strength, his faith, His sacrifice! This man had people beat him, spit on him,lie on him. But to him it was all okay, he was doing what HIS father requested, He sacrificed for YOU,ME, ALL of US. 

Look at your life and be thankful damn it. Regardless of what you have.
Listen to the Podcast for this post.
John 15:18 " If the world hates you, you know that it hated me before it hated you.'

John 15:20 "  Remember the word that I said to you, " a servant is not greater than his master" If they persecuted Me, they will persecute you."

John 15:23 " He who hates me, hates my Father also."


April 10, 2012

Drunk on Love by Rihanna

This song is feeding my soul right now. Peace


Friends are almost like seasons. Some you have for a day,week,month,years,years, or a lifetime. Friends are meant to be had for a season sometimes. Friends come about when your going through a tough time, when you need family , or need love. The thing is that we as people need to determine how long  the person is suppose to stay in our life. This also applies to loves & family members.

I can safely say that I've had many friends throughout my short 25 years of life. Very few of them have remained to  this day. i can probably count on 1 hand the friends i still have from childhood. I have to be honest , i don't always call or text when i should. We kind of go on about our lives then occasionally touch base.

I have friends from high school that were like my best friends, we lost touch or went our own ways then touched base. Found out that we have more in common now than we ever did back in the day . How funny how our recent life experiences from the time in between the high school years & now would give us ground to grow closer. ? I love it.....  I love them more than i did before.

Totally random- Ever hear a song that you just feel deep in your soul?  I do, i get lost in my mind to the song & transform myself.


April 9, 2012

HYFR - Drake feat Lil Wayne

Take Care by Drake feat Rihanna


Love/Hate relationships are hard.. they suck actually, suck, suck,suck. I have one with my father. I love the man even though i don't know all about him yet i love him to the core that i hate that too. I know we cant pick our fathers but sometimes i wish we did. I didn't even ask to be here but God felt that my presence was needed. The dumb thing is... i am like my father i a lot of ways... which isn't good either because i am like him in bad ways. The difference between us though is that i notice and i accept responsibility for this & i am working on changing it. Anyway i still pray for him even though its hard, i also try to pray for myself.

Back to the regular stuff this week, i was sick last week and although i am still getting over , i am feeling much better. I really want to push my self to workout everyday and not be lazy about it. I would like to try a few recipes that's if i have all the stuff to make it.  I pray that i get some more mark. orders. People are asking if i sell Avon but i ha vent yet. I enjoy the freedom i have with mark. no pressure ya know?

Totally random: I wish i had dog senses sometimes... they sense things before humans do!


April 4, 2012


I missed you so much today, i broke down and cried my eyes out for like 5-10 mins. It felt like the day that i found out you passed. That was 5 years ago. The anger, guilt, love, pain all came out at once.  I needed to feel your presence so badly at that moment, yet it ceased to exist. I know your gone, your not coming back yet the feelings have been coming on so strong lately like i am first mourning.  Your at peace i know.

My day got better after a rough, emotionally spent morning. The Mr.  brought me a surprise.  A box full of Godiva chocolate truffles & a beautiful  pink butterfly that can be hung or set somewhere, he also included a wonderful card. It was just what i needed and it made me feel so special and loved & appreciated. Sometimes in relationships we need a lil extra  attention, it was nice to be thought of. In a way it makes you want to do more for that person not because u get gifts but because you feel loved and made special by that person.

In the end, i know he is gone, i miss him daily, the comfort is still needed. but i know i have love, and i am not trying to lose this one.


April 3, 2012


Its Holy Week and we all should take this time to reflect on our blessings & the sacrifices that God made to give up his only son for us. I was thinking about this yesterday while laying down. 2 weeks ago i wanted to fast & pray through out Holy week but it didn't start out like that.

I am grateful ,grateful for all that i have, the Lord has blessed me so much and sometimes i forget that, i forget who made all that was possible for me to enjoy. My wonderful home, my wonderful Mr. , the food that i cook, the clothes that i have. God made that all possible for me. He made the biggest sacrifice for me, for us. We all should be thankful. At least once this week we should all sit back read some of our bible and pray and say thanks to God for all that he has given us.

Sometimes i look at my life currently and its hard for me to be happy about it, but then when i really look, i can see all of the possibility of my future, the grandness of it. I think or feel , wonder what kind of life it is for me, but then i am reminded of my purpose, as a woman. To be a wife, mother, to guide.  Life isn't all about clubs,partying, doing what every one else is doing. I think its about doing what God wants you to do & what you feel is right, finding your purpose in life that doesn't consist what the world says is right.